It’s happened to the best of us, that all-too-familiar situation. Everything seems to be going well in your life. I mean, how could it not be when you have your best friend by your side to enjoy every crazy summer moment? And then it happens: your best friend gets a boyfriend. You feel so many mixed emotions. You’re worried about living the single life alone (we all know it’s way more fun to be Single Ladies with a friend), and you’re scared you are going to be replaced by your bestie’s new guy.
You’re happy for her, but at the same time, you kinda aren’t? And then you feel awful for not being 100% thrilled about the relationship? I went through this recently, and being the cliché teenage girl that I am, I looked up advice on the Internet. Article after article told me to say goodbye to the friendship and enjoy it while it lasted… trust me, that’s not the only option!
Here are some tips that I learned from this experience to stay close with my best friend and even come out stronger because of it. You can make it work, I promise.
Communication is such an important part of maintaining any friendship, and this situation calls for it more than anything. Your bestie is probably ecstatic to have a new guy in her life, and it’s important that you encourage her despite your doubts. Make sure to tell her how happy you are for her! I mean, she is your best friend, and I’m sure you are truly excited for her, even if you may be worried about your own standing.
Support the new relationship and keep open lines of communication
You can express some of your worry that you two won’t get to spend as much time together, because she should be aware of how you feel. But most importantly, show your support for the new relationship and keep open lines of communication. Make sure she knows that she can confide in you and you won’t judge her.
Plan alone time.
Even though she’s probably busy exploring and developing her new relationship, try to plan bestie dates whenever you can. Your hangouts may not be as frequent as before, but as long as you two see each other, your friendship will survive all the new changes that are happening. My bestie and I spent most of our time eating pizza and watching House Hunters in my living room. You don’t have to plan extravagant outings; I just enjoyed spending time with my best friend in the world. You can also get all the juicy gossip on dating–maybe her boyfriend has a cute friend!
Branch out and spend time with new people.
This may seem counterintuitive, but sometimes we all need a little space. Relying solely on this specific friend to hang out with you all the time may end in disappointment. It’s not her fault–having a new boyfriend is exciting–and they spend lots of time together. I would suggest spending time with some of your other friends while your bestie gets things figured out.
You can use this opportunity to get to know some truly awesome people that you might not have otherwise. As long as you keep open communication, your friend probably won’t mind you branching out. In fact, she’ll probably appreciate that you want her relationship to succeed by giving her space to let that happen.
Try to get to know the new man in her life.
Nobody likes being a third wheel, but sometimes it can be fun when you enjoy the company of both your bestie and her new guy! I spent a lot of time with them as a couple (when they didn’t want to be alone, of course–I always tried to respect that) and even became closer friends with her boyfriend because of their relationship.
We even went on a “double date” with my best friend, her boyfriend, me, and one of my best guy friends. It was so much fun to hang out in a group setting since we were all friends and had separate relationships with each other. We even went to Lush together and watched the guys try all sorts of girly products! Creating memories like this make the whole best-friend-getting-a-boyfriend experience a lot more fun.
Also published on Medium.