During the second half of 2016, I went through a lot. I truly believed that this world had nothing left for me. Everything intensified with my unemployment, and I started to lose myself because of that failure. I lost my inspiration and cared even less about my personal projects. I didn’t give up on everything, but I didn’t have the energy I usually gave to all the things that were important to me.
I used to think: no matter how hard I try, this is not going to work. In the back of my mind, I knew that I was doing wrong, but how wrong? Giving up is so much easier, right? Not so much. I started to struggle with my desires and feelings against the idea that I was losing time – but I didn’t know how to come back from it. Then, fear came – and fear and failure are not a perfect marriage. So, I broke down. It wasn’t pretty, but it gave me some perspective.
That feeling of living the same day over and over took me four months.
When 2017 came I started listening to that little voice at the back of my head again, telling me “it’s time.” It’s time to pull yourself together and do it through art. This regeneration process – my theme for this year – began in March, and I’m feeling much better than the end of last year.
Last year left me with deep marks and a bittersweet taste in my mouth. Besides connecting again with the art that I love, I chose to connect with the same art to regenerate myself. I’m so glad that I found the courage to start this process.
It wasn’t easy, but I’m learning to hear myself again. To respect myself again. To hear my heart again.
My process started with music, the first thing I connected with. Florence Welch is one of my muses. Her band Florence + The Machine has helped me to put some energy in this body and in my soul when it’s tired. Florence is always there for me when I need her the most. She’s an incredible artist – but for me – she’s beyond magic.
Florence + The Machine always matches with a moment and the feeling I connect with in a specific chapter of my life.
That’s why I’m bringing you this little list with some songs from her band. Some of my personal anthems. And maybe you can also regenerate some part of you.
Shake It Out
When the burden is too much, we have to try to eliminate the weight a little to move forward, and eliminate all the bad thoughts that freeze us. Literally, this song emanates the message: dance to be free. It’s hard to dance with a devil on your back, right? So shake him off!
No Light, No Light
Like Shake It Out, Florence sings about the power of choice. At the end of the day, we’re responsible for our decisions. Sometimes, something bad must not be seen negatively, because maybe we can learn from it. This song sort of teaches us not to be so affected by negativity. We’re darkness and light. At times, we are able to decide how we should feel. Whether we must give up and begin another chapter of our story or not. Of course it’s not always easy, but the chorus of this song is a kind of mantra reminding me that there will be hard moments and I can choose what stays and what fades away. And when I can’t, I’ll ask for help.
Various Storms & Saints
In the chaos, we can find the secrets in our heart. The heart is a compass for a lot of people. What’s inside reflects on the outside. When we’re in chaos, feeling too much, it’s not wrong to take a break and remember what matters most. We’ll remember that almost everything is temporary. We’ll suffer, but not forever. We must choose among the saints and the storms.
“I’m not beat up by this yet.” This line always echoes in my mind. I think, whatever I’m going through, I just can’t give up. Not yet. After all, we fall to learn. We fall to grow. Falling doesn’t mean that we’ll be defeated forever. We all have a story to tell, people to meet, and experiences to go through. It’s impossible not to feel compelled to fight more and more after you hear it. It’s an anthem for life!
Dog Days Are Over
This song is freedom. It’s the turning of a page or the hard moment that you’re living. When it’s over for good, this song must be played loud. It’s another anthem that says those dark days are gone. Despite the pain, the thought of giving up, you won the battle. You can clap your hands and high five yourself. You made it.
Florence + The Machine has a metaphorical tool box of healing songs. It’s up to those who listen to interpret in the best way you can – no matter what you are thinking, feeling, or hiding. Be the change you want to see. That’s what I’m doing this year and I hope you do too.
Cover image via stadhalle.com
Also published on Medium.