We all have those moments where we might feel a little insignificant. Maybe we haven’t seen our friends in awhile because life has been getting in the way, social media is throwing out some major FOMO (fear of missing out) or maybe it’s just one of those days where it’s just hard to feel special.
While those all happen more often than we realize, what I’m focusing on is when the people we love are the ones causing us to feel our worst. We need to step up for our hearts and stop accepting less.
First of all, we deserve love–no argument, no excuses allowed.
If someone in your life is knowingly making you feel like you don’t matter, consider your value in the relationship. Do you really want to be around someone who isn’t aiding your growth as a human being?
I’m certainly not implying we all just start dropping friends like flies. I personally am a big advocate for communicating your feelings, and while I’m not amazing at it in practice, not everyone is a mind reader.
Step up for our hearts and stop accepting less.
Before you go on and delete all your contacts, have a conversation, sit down with whomever is hurting you (preferably in person) and let them know that they’re hurting you. To help, here are some simple things to remember when getting ready to have a possibly tense conversation:
Don’t make the conversation an accusation.
It’s very easy for a small issue to turn into a big argument when the phrasing isn’t right. Try being specific when talking about a problem, preface that it’s more about the situation than about them as person (ex. Instead of “You’re a bad friend because you did ___” try saying “It really hurt my feelings when you did ____”)
Allow the other side to advocate for themselves.
Let’s face it–we as human beings like to be right, but it’s definitely not an effective way to communicate. Once you’re done explaining your feelings, give whomever you’re talking to a chance to interpret their own emotions.
Maybe what you felt was a purposeful exclusion was just a miscommunication? Maybe said person didn’t realize you needed support when they were giving you advice?
Sometimes things just don’t work out, and that’s okay!
By granting said individual the ability to speak on their behalf, you make not only your issues important but create an open line for understanding when moving forward.
Go into a discussion with the hopes of solving a problem.
Sometimes things just don’t work out, and that’s okay! But it certainly doesn’t aid us when we walk into an issue ready to end a relationship, so try to keep a level head.
So what if we’ve been having mature conversations and it’s not working? Well, that’s when we need to go back and consider our value.
Ponder some questions
Are your expectations reasonable? Does this person cause you more drama than ease? Are you receiving the same amount of effort that’s being given? Do you feel valued? If the answer to most of your questions is “no” then you’re not being treated the way you deserve. It’s time to let them know you’re not having it anymore.
…fear is a disservice to all the wonderful things you give to the world.
It can be very hard to enforce our worth as individuals, but under no circumstances should we disregard our respect or especially our safety for the sake of someone else. No matter our ties or the time we’ve spent, do not stay around someone because you are afraid of being lonely. That fear is a disservice to all the wonderful things you give to the world.
There is no version of you that in some way gets opted out of being loved.
Yes, sometimes time and life gets in the way of a person’s judgment, but if someone is consistently and purposefully not taking part of this two-way relationship, then it’s time to stop accepting less love than you deserve and make a one-way decision–leave.
Also published on Medium.