People have been asking me a lot about my love life lately, and if I am being really honest, I HATE IT. This quasi-invasive line of questioning starts around your junior year of high school and it really never stops.
Stressful Questions: A list for raised blood pressure in chronological order
Junior in HS: How is studying for the SAT going?
Senior in HS: Where are you going to College?
Freshman-Junior in College: have you picked a major? (usually followed up with the comments…That? Really? Real confidence boost.)
Junior-Senior in College: Any internships? What are your plans after college? How are those law school applications going? Social work?
Post-College: How’s your love life? Seeing anyone?
Post-Marriage: When are you going to have kids?
And it just keeps going and going and going…
While these questions come from a place of caring, I know, they also come with hella pressure. The subcontext of each question seems to be “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE.”
I would love to tell you that these questions go away, but they don’t.
I would love to tell you that they go away, but they don’t. The questions evolve with each stage of your life. I would like to note to you, dear Metiza gals, that I seem like an enlightened person who doesn’t ask those questions. Spoiler Alert! I did.
I recently found myself at an alumni event with current students of my college, and I asked all the same questions.While I stressed about my life and whether I could measure up, I was doing the exact same thing to my fellow ladies.
And that got me thinking about Justin Bieber.
Let me please start out by explaining my complicated relationship with Justin Bieber. Ya’ll let me just say I was a junior/senior in college when he popped up on the scene and 21-year-olds were not blasting his hit song “Baby” from speakers at ANY of the parties I attended, so grant me some grace here people. I will claim that I saw his movie “Never Say Never” (it was on Netflix so I did not pay any dollars for it) and I may have cried some very real tears about Justin, his life, his talent and all that he has overcome. Following that, I moved on with my life, he behaved like a knob in the news, and I closed the book on J. Biebs forever…Or so I thought.
Walking out of that alumni mixer I wondered why is it that we ask these questions, what is our motivation? There are so many places where they are asked: college interviews, sorority recruitment, job interviews, hell even in fun places like parties. How can we learn about each other without the added stress factor?
Maybe because it’s February or the fact that J.Biebs is everywhere, but the song “Love Yourself” popped into my head. I thought what if we reframed those conversations? What if we asked what is the last thing you did that you truly loved? You seem to be doing so well, how are you taking care of yourself among all things that you do? What are the things that you are doing in your life that you love?
So I ask, what would your next party look like if you asked those questions?