Why the Bad Boys Can Never Be Your Good Guy

bad boys bender

You know who they are. Bender, Steff, Cry-baby, heck, even Draco Malfoy falls into this category. What do all of these names have in common? If you said that they’re all names of famous bad boys, then you are correct!You’d be lying if you said that you have never fantasized about dating one of these leather jacket-wearing hotties. There’s something so… attractive about a boy not following the rules, who doesn’t care if he doesn’t fit in with the rest of the straight-laced “goodies” around him.

bad boy bender
Bad Boys: plural noun, “the ones mom warned you about”

However, there is one detail surrounding the concept of a bad boy that we seem to always forget- they are notorious heartbreakers. And when you fall for one, everyone seems to know that he is bad for you… except for you. Your mom warns you against him, your best friend steers clear of him and suggests that you do the same, and maybe even your head tells you that he’s bad news, but your heart convinces you that he’s different and that you can change him. You spend months by his side, continuing to persuade yourself that if you stay with him for just a little bit longer, he will change. But, those months turn into a year, and soon, you learn the cold, hard truth- the bad boys don’t change, and you are not the exception.

bad boys draco

Don’t think for a second that it’s because you aren’t enough. Truthfully, you are probably way more than enough for him. He is too immature to see that the one person that cares about him the most, that would do anything for him, the one that’s stayed by his side, could actually be someone he could share his life with. Someone that he could let in. Unfortunately for both of you, he isn’t going to grow up just because you stick around and hope he does. He will only grow up when he’s ready to, and chances are, he isn’t any time soon. And for that reason, he doesn’t deserve you. If a boy doesn’t realize right away what an amazing girl he has in his life, then he isn’t worthy of her in the first place.

bad boys steff

What’s up with the bad boys anyway?

So, why can’t your bad boy be the one who sweeps you off of your feet and rides into the sunset with you? To him, causing trouble with his friends, and breaking your heart are his favorite hobbies, and take priority over being your actual boyfriend. Part of the bad boy shtick is being there #FTB, for “the boys” and being emotionally unavailable, presenting themselves as “too cool” for any of the girls. So long as he has this mentality, the heartbreak will remain a cycle: he’ll notice you and tell you how beautiful and wonderful you are, and he’ll tell you all of the things that he loves about you, causing you to give him attention in return.

You deserve a boy who sees you as the treasure you are, and has to work to keep you in his life.

Knowing now that he has you wrapped around his finger, he takes this new, fresh attention that you give him as his cue to do something that will upset you. You will vocalize frustration, and he will indirectly apologize, doing something cute and sweet to reassure you that you are the most important thing in his life, and there you are again, swept off your feet, so crazily in love, until the next time he screws up. This, I’m afraid, is the closest thing to a stable, loving relationship that you will ever have with this bad boy of yours.

Sadly, the next part of that aforementioned cold, hard truth, is that you may not be the only girl that he’s playing this game with. I’ve said it, and we all know it, girls love the bad boys. He could have a whole line of girls, desperately seeking his attention. He will, if he doesn’t already, take advantage of that. If you somehow were in a “relationship” with this boy, because he knows that he has options if it doesn’t work out, he isn’t going to put in much effort to keep you around. You deserve a boy who sees you as the treasure you are, and has to work to keep you in his life. He owes you his time and respect, and if he doesn’t give you that, then he isn’t the right one for you.

But he’s different, I swear!

I know, I know. I don’t know him. He’s different. You can change him. Though, sure, I don’t know him, I know the type. I’ve been there, too. And I can assure you, that he isn’t different, even though you spend every minute of every day trying to convince yourself of just that. One of the hardest moments of my adult life was to cut that exact boy out of my life, for good. Sure, it hurts. Cutting someone out of your life is no easy feat. I had to learn once again how to live my life without his constant presence.

Though it may sound cheesy, one day, you’ll wake up, and you’ll realize that he’s gone, you aren’t hurting anymore, and that you are totally okay. You’ll also realize your worth, and that you deserve so much more than what you settled for. Now, I was always the girl that thought Andie should have ended up with Duckie and not Blane, so girl go make me proud. Go find your Duckie.

80s molly ringwald pretty in pink jon cryer duckie